Final thoughts - 4/8

So I know that this has been a long time in coming, I should have done this last week...I said I would. Oh well, if nothing else, i've gotten some pretty vital perspective (and sleep finally) in the interim so I'll try to talk about what I've experienced and learned in as eloquent a way as possible...I warn you though, rambling is forthcoming.

Things Chris has learned about the US, in no particular order:

• I don't think that people have anywhere near enough appreciation for this country. I didn't. Now before you stamp me as a Toby Keith listening, million bumpersticker having, Bush fanatic, hear me out. I don't mean that we don't have enough appreciation for the current administration or that everything here is perfect. Far from it, but our country itself...the land, the people...are so varied and amazing. Within weeks, or even days sometimes, I'd go from one 'culture' to another 'culture' entirely. All too often, we assume that everything to 'see' is in Europe or some other exotic location. I certainly love Europe and the places around the world that I've been, but I'd argue that there is nothing on this earth quite like Yellowstone or Zion. Even from city to city, go to New Orleans and then Memphis, tell me they don't seem like different countries even though we think of them both as the 'south.'

In a lot of the most spectacular places, it seemed that I'd only run across foreigners or retired folks. I know that at Bryce Canyon, I was the only American under 50 there. That's an amazing shame, because when I'm 50 I don't know that I'd have the stamina to go and 'do,' I was usually the only guy on a lot of the trails. I hope that maybe, a couple of people who've read this might have gotten the itch to see a little more before it's too late to really go hoofin it. As I look back, I feel amazingly fortunate to have seen what I've seen and done all I've done. I'm certainly not 'finished' seeing this country, but I've started. It's just a shame that so often people my age almost look down on seeing America, that a trip is only impressive if it goes out of the country. We have a great backyard, and more people should think about seeing it since the rest of the world, it seems, wants to see it more than we do.

• For all we talk about overcrowding, this country is mostly empty. I've always grown up in the mid-atlantic/upper south - east coast and I guess I couldn't imagine how desolate a place could be until now. Even what we consider the 'country' is always within a few miles of civilization. Everywhere in Virginia is at least near some place that has a name, and a gas station. We don't really know 'country.' That was something that I had to get used to for a lot of this trip and the 'culture' is really different. From D.C. until I left Minneapolis, things were fairly normal as far as population. Most every exit had a few restaurants, motels...I never really had to 'plan' things. When I left MN for South Dakota though, especially through Wyoming, Montana and the Southwest, there are places where people just aren't. I don't mean, that there aren't many, I mean aren't...at all. There were quite a few times that I'd go 50 miles without seeing so much as a mailbox. At times, it was a little creepy and I had to learn to plan my meals, motels and gas stops around it. At other times though, it felt really neat...it made you feel really small, almost like my problems just aren't that big of a deal. When you see no one for miles, you realize that for all the crap that we've done to this planet...it'll be here a long time after we're gone.

I guess the most desolate I saw the whole time, was my drive from Big Bend to Fort Stockton. That was a 2.5 hour drive, and I didn't drive that long because I wanted to get further toward San Antonio...I didn't have a choice. Other than for one gas station, there was NOTHING for those hours. I stopped a few times and saw more stars that I could have imagined before, and yeah...I felt small. Citydwellers, like me before this trip, have a tendency to think of the US in terms of metropolises but the deserted areas are every bit as much America as Times Square or the Mall and if you've never really experienced 'the middle of nowhere' you need to, so that you can understand the balance of this country.

• At once this trip has made me realize that the US is both bigger than I thought and yet smaller too. I know that doesn't make sense, it doesn't to me completely either, but I'll try to explain. I didn't know that I'd actually succeed in this when I set out honestly. Part of me thought that it was such a long distance to the West Coast, that it couldn't be possible to drive all that way. But it was, and each place along the way had its own flavor. Just like putting a puzzle together, i fit each piece where it went and eventually i reached the other side. When we fly, we miss the whole middle so it just seems like a sea of nothingness, but it's definitely not. So in that way, it almost seems smaller. I can rattle off each of the states going west, their roads, their people, the cities you come to, the parks. It feels manageable, and makes sense now, where it was all a jumble before.

On the other hand, knowing how many varied parts there are, makes it seem astounding that it all fits in this one country. The fact that you can have the 'wild west' of South Dakota and Montana, in the same country as the downhome south of Tennessee seems impossible, because they're so different. There is just so much to see and its all so unique, there's more to see than I could have imagined when I left. I'm sure this seems like nonsense, but yeah, its bigger and smaller than I thought at once.

• People are more adaptable than I could have imagined. This country has some of the most difficult terrain and climates in the world. Yet, people have learned to live most everywhere, and they don't even seem to notice. I guess you get used to whatever you live with, but as a kid from a temperate place, its hard to fathom. I mean, in Minneapolis where it gets below freezing constantly people just learn to live indoors for a lot of the year in ways i wouldn't have ever thought of. They seem to thrive on the cold almost. On the other hand, in the desert of Arizona, Nevada, Texas, and New Mexico, they learn to live in the shade for much of the year and deal with so little water. Yet, again, they seem to thrive on it. I guess its the pioneer spirit? I don't know, but its pretty interesting to see how the land shapes the culture of a place

A few things I've learned about myself, again, in no particular order:

• I'm capable of a hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible, especially when I'm not worried about being embarrassed. There were challenges that I'd have never seen coming, things that honestly would have made me never start had I known that I'd face them. I mean, I've gotten lost driving through open desert without even a road in the middle of nowhere during a hailstorm, I injured my foot pretty badly and still walked miles through a hell of a lotta pain, I've hiked miles just to find my way back to a trail that was lost...just a million little things that came up. The funny thing though, was that in a lot of ways, I was only able to succeed because a) I didn't have a choice. and b) I wasn't worried about looking stupid. I realized on this trip how competent I am at adapting and how I can fix most any problem. Fear of embarassment keeps me from some things at home, and I think I'm pretty much over it. I stop myself from taking some risks because I think of how it would look to others, but I realized that I don't have to care and that I have a lot more fun when I just go and do and not worry about what the other people around are doing. I made more friends and had better conversations from singing karaoke in a new place, or being the first guy dancing like an idiot than I ever would have by sitting in the back.

I'm pretty proud of what I can do and I realized that a lot of the embarassment is in my head. People don't look at you nearly as much as you think they do, ever. I guess, to wrap up this point, I learned a really valuable lesson, even though it seems simple: I'm smart enough and capable enough that I can handle most anything and I'm not going to let embarassment stop me from doing what I want to do because I have nothing to be embarassed about; anyone who'd judge me negatively is probably not putting themselves out there anyway, and them, well, I don't care what they think honestly.

• I have a lot more control over my mood than I thought. That's not to say that I don't get a little droopy too but happiness, or at least the road to it, is something you choose. There were dozens of times where things didn't go exactly as I'd hoped or planned, sometimes they were my fault, sometimes not. Throughout though, I learned to control what I could. I knew that this was an amazing experience and if there was a time when I wasn't enjoying something, I'd make sure to sit back and say 'why?' That was the great part about going alone, if there was something that I wasn't enjoying, I went. Just that simple. I know that not everyone has control over everything in their lives, I've certainly haven't been in control of all of my situation for a few months what with the job change and all. That being said, I've really learned that I (and I think most people) have much more control than we think. Changing something that doesn't work for us, is really pretty easy. It's just a question of finding the right direction towards something better and enjoying what IS good. A lot of times, there were episodes that might not have been 'fun' in the normal sense, but there was generally something good in it. That might just be a funny story, or a chance to laugh at myself, but that's pretty good too sometimes.

• Not taking yourself seriously allows for a lot more experiences in life. Seeing the awesomeness of nature helps with that, because honestly, we don't amount to so much in the grand scheme of the universe...it's good to remember.

• Although I still think of myself as a people person...I'm great alone. I'm a complete thought. That might sound like gibberish, but hear me out. The thing that I was most concerned about when I left, was that I wasn't going to have someone else there to validate everything I did. I thought I'd go stir crazy without having someone there all the time. I certainly don't want to live alone, and I definitely missed a lot of people but I really like having some time and memories to myself. Surprisingly enough, I'm pretty interesting to talk to, and I'll own up to talking to myself a lot. I'm doing it right now. This trip gave me a chance to really be alone with myself and it was great, I got to hone my thoughts and opinions, get rid of some 'unknown unknowns' so to speak. People watching is actually a lot of fun, and you can't do it with others around. As long as I have my music, I'm set. Now had there not been a set ending to the trip, I probably would have felt lonely. As it was though, I really feel like I know myself a lot better than most anybody possibly could know themselves and I actually like myself. Sounds corny I know, but theres a lot to be said for a self-check from time to time.

• I have a lot of people who care about me, and a great family, both blood related and not. There wasn't a single day that I didn't talk to someone somewhere who wanted to know where I was or what I was doing. One thing about this trip, I did feel like a scout...I can't wait to bring people back to some of these places. It might sound silly, but the fact that so many people read this, just astounded me. I honestly expected my folks to read this, and thats about it. Turns out that lots of people were right there with me, shocked me. I can't say how much it made me smile to know that people actually were interested in this cockamamie idea and were rooting for me too.

That being said, I have to say thanks to my folks. You guys have no idea how much help they were along the way, with recommendations, advice and just as sounding boards. They were more excited know that I was seeing these things than to see them themselves. It was a great part of my day to check in and hear my mom or dad's voice, you just about hear their eyes light up, especially as I reached the west. But to everybody who went along with me, I never felt really alone, thanks guys.

• Finally, I think I learned that sometimes you just have to take life by the neck and get what you want. Before I left, I did feel a little stuck in time (Slaughterhouse 5 reference, read it on the way). I wanted to start this marvelous career, it just seemed to take forever for everything to be in order and the house was kinda tense. Some things can't really be controlled. I guess in college and before, I was never stuck, always working towards something. But yeah, I was kinda stuck before i headed out. Now I start this career that I couldn't be more proud about (especially now), I have a lot better situation at home, I have all of these amazing experiences and I realize...I can fix most anything that I put my mind to. Not that I'll always be right, but I don't want to get stuck again. Life's way too short to not do what you need to do, this trip was something that I had to do and I'll never regret it. If you feel stuck, if you're life isn't what you want it to be, FIX IT. Don't live for someone else or for what you think you should be for other people, its your life and honestly worrying about what everyone else thinks and wants, is like a job. If people really care about you, then they'll want you to be happy however that means, and I have a lot of people who care about me. Who'd a thunk??

Best Cities: (this is hard)

• San Francisco
• San Antonio
• Chicago
• Memphis
• Nashville
• Vegas

Least Favorite cities (still glad to see them though):

• Houston
• Minneapolis

Moments that are burned in memory: (the most vivid, too many to mention)

• seeing wild herds of elk and bison in Yellowstone
• watching sunset over Yosemite Valley on my own cliff
• PUTTING MY FEET IN THE PACIFIC (Ocean Beach, CA)
• getting dressy for a night out in Las Vegas
• Dangling my feet over the Grand Canyon
• Hiking to my own pool in Zion
• watching a thunderstorm over Monument Valley
• Spelunking into the darkness in Carlsbad
• sitting on my own hill for the sunset in Big Bend
• drinking and dancing in the street in New Orleans
• listening to the reincarnation of Aretha in Memphis
• seeing Jake Owen by accident in Nashville

Final Mileage:

10,531.6

Thanks guys. This has been the best thing I've ever done, and now, I feel like I'm really at exactly where I want to be.